I want to go volunteer in Ghana this summer for 3-4 weeks. I found this amazing education program for teaching English, Math, Compsci, or Science to kids. I’d teach English because I’m probably more illiterate than any of them in anything that isn’t in the humanities.

I want to spend five weeks on campus during the summer, being a research assistant for a project on economic development in western Europe. I want my name on the research project, I want the stipend and housing accomodations that come with it. I’m okay with staying in the valley for five weeks.

I have to leave home early to go back to school because of my new position as an RA. We have training and whatnot for like two weeks. I’m out by like mid-August.

The more I do, the more I feel guilty for not spending time home with mom. But it’s like she knows. She knows that I don’t want to stay home and sit around with her and drink coffee and help her manage her emotions. But I feel guilty for it. I don’t want to be home all summer though, and I feel like mom’s taking offense to it.

Maybe I won’t apply to volunteer in Ghana. Maybe I won’t get the research assistant position– maybe I won’t even accept it in the slim chance that I actually get offered the position. I’m happiest when I’m not existing to please mom, but I’m guiltiest when I’m not existing to please mom.

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