1. I’m actually rejecting boys. Tell me when this has ever, ever happened.

2. I’m also making out with boys. Tell me when this has ever, ever happened.

3. I’m also flirting with boys. Soberly. Drunkenly. Successfully. Tell me when this has ever, ever happened.

4. I’m having so much fun with it. Who cares? This has never, ever, ever happened.

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An update on my interactions with specimens of the opposite sex:

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