It’s funny because i’ve spent my entire life reaching for the intangible and trying to achieve happiness and it’s never happened. it’s not even that my life’s dismal or anything of the sort, but it’s just never been gratifying. i abandoned success and talent for mediocrity because i found talent to be humiliating. falling into failure was even more shameful, though. i had no friends, achieved friendships, but what success comes out of that? i thought if i escaped from my problems and tried alcohol that would resolve everything. it made things worse. i thought if i lost weight, it would make me happy, it just raised my insecurity even further. i’ve done everything in my will to try and be satisfied at last, but maybe i’m just destined to be miserable.